I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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