why didn't you poke me back
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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