omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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