Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
