its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
