I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
