Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
