A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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