Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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