you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
