if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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