Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
