i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
