Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
