My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
