The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
