youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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