the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
she pinky promised me she was 18
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
