So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
