Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
