Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
