ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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