she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
