dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
