so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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