I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Randomize
