i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just invented taco cereal.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
