My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
