Moan for me like Helen Keller
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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