Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
His nipple licking is glorious
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