just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
accomplished twins. life is a go
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Randomize
