he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
