i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
