I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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