Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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