watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Floor bacon is actually really good
ok first of all what the fuck
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
