There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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