Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Someone shit on the floor
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
We need to feng shui this bitch.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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