I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
