My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
