Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm bleeding and have questions
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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