I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
