Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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