Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
