Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
