shes about as inviting as chlamydia
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
