even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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