Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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