you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
