Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
